The world feels so cold and heartless. My parents were my flagstone growing up. They have completely abandoned me for a replacement me. I have written them almost weekly from Ralph and Frankie’s home. I didn’t expect them to respond. I hope they are happy with their fake daughter. I finally call George.
“You are in trouble. You should not have left!”
Frankie is in and out of the room and I know she can hear his loud stern voice across the phone.
“I wanted a life with you George, not a life of a mistress holed up in a hotel room pregnant by myself.”
“Who are you with?”
“I’m staying with a nice family.”
“Where are you?”
“I’m in Pittsburgh.”
“Did you have that baby of yours?”
At that point, I felt like I made a big mistake calling him. He wouldn’t even acknowledge that she is our baby.
“I miscarried.”
I didn’t want him to know about her anymore.
“Oh good. You should’ve stayed and just gotten the abortion.”
I didn’t respond. I just listened from that point on to his diatribe.
“I put out a missing persons at the police. I talked to the hotel staff. They said you just left. I think you are losing your mind. I’m coming to Pittsburgh to see you. I’m booking a flight tonight. I will call you and let you know what time I will be there.”
“D’accord.”
My stomach is sinking. This man is so mean and cold. I don’t trust him anymore. I wish I had taken more time to get to know him instead of being infatuated with my own hopeless love fantasy. Life is stark. Life is cold. He is a stranger and my new baby is gone and not in my arms.
Gorge arrives in Pittsburgh and I went back to the Marriott. I didn’t want him to meet Ralph and Frankie. Knock knock. He’s here. I open thé door and he looks like a raving lunatic. I can see this is not going to go well.
“Pack you things. We’re leaving.”, is the first thing he said to me. He went completely silent as I’m packing my things.
May 23, 1968, We leave the hotel and the taxi is driving out of town.
“Where are we going? To the airport?”
He is still silent.
We pull up in front of this really large building that looks like a government building.
“Where are we?”
“At the hospital. I scheduled an appointment for you to be seen by a doctor.”
It dawned on me rather quickly that this is a mental ward. They admitted me. There wasn’t an appointment. There wasn’t an intake. He didn’t even stay. He just left me on the doorstep of a mental ward and they admitted me without even speaking to me.
George is pure hell. I’m beginning to think he had something to do with my baby being swapped at the hospital. I may never find her now locked in this place. People look like zombies. They have me and I just go to bed. I heard some of the patients talking about getting electrocuted. I thought it was mad talk until they took me to therapy. One dose of pure torture is all I needed to know I needed to get out somehow. We were not even permitted phone calls. It was complete isolation from the outside world with 900 people I couldn’t hold a conversation with. It is pure evil what Gorge did to me.
I have to get out of this place. I haven’t had IDs in a long time. We have outdoor time in the courtyard. I haven’t even been here a week and one electrotherapy treatment is one too many. I slipped into the trees. They take a head count so I had to make a break for it before it was time to go back in. I made it down the hillside and onto the street. The clothes I’m wearing make me look like a vagabond.
I make it to the town and ask someone for bus fare. A nice man gave me five dollars. I took the bus to the city and called Ralph. Ralph came and got me right away. I knew I couldn’t stay at Ralph’s home. They would be looking for me.
Gorge just showed up at Ralph’s home and took me back to New York. This time he has me locked in the basement of one of his friends. There is one old coal chute that has been turned into a window with rot iron bars. There is no way out of this basement. They bring me food regularly, wash my laundry, and get me what I need.
I feel like Sarah Hemings locked in a basement waiting for her husband to come see her and spend time with her. Gorge stays most of the day when he visits. This is not a life. My mind is planning my escape daily. There has to be more to life than this.
There is a television here. I don’t watch the television. I’m in prison and just spend all of my time in my thoughts. I don’t even know what day it is anymore. Alone and sad, I just lay on this bed and cry my days away. I yearn for that life of marriage and the promise of motherhood. I yearn to be a mother to my child. I wonder if Kim Smith is a good mother to her. I yearn for Gorge to love me like he should. I wish we could be a family.
I Watch thé server and the times he brings me breakfast, lunch and dinner. I also listen to when people leave the house and when they come back. I can tell what time it is by the shadow a rod in the ground makes on the pavement. Everyone is gone after lunch almost until dinner.
If I knock on the door at the top of the stairs, the server will usually answer and bring me a tea, water or a coffee.
It seems like I have been here for a year. I hear them talking about Easter. My estimate is it is February or March 1970. He came to get me in August of 1969. Maybe my time is completely off because I have been in this dungeon so long.
I finally made my escape. I waited for the afternoon for the house to get quiet. I knocked on the door for some tea. The server they hired went to the kitchen to make the tea. I waited for him to bring the tea.
I was at the top of the stairs waiting for the door to open. As soon as he opened the door, I pushed past him and ran out the front door as fast as I could. I ran for blocks like the wind. I found a big bush and hid in the bush for hours. Every police car that passed I thought was after me.
I needed to get my bearings. I asked how to get it the city since we were not in the city of New York. One man said he was on his way to the city and would drop me there. I ended up in Brooklyn with no money and no where to go. I needed to call Ralph.
I don’t like begging for anything or asking people for money, but I had to make a call. I stood by a phone booth in Brooklyn looking like a homeless person. I finally got enough change to call.
“Ralph, I’m in trouble.”
“Where are you?”
“Gorge held me captive in New York. I just escaped. I have no money and no where to go. I have no identification.”
“Frankie and I are driving up there to get you out of there. Let us pack a few things. Do you need anything. We still have some of your belongings here.”
I’m crying hysterically now, “ Please bring me clothing, clean under garments, makeup, my wigs, some shoes and a hair brush. I have traveller’s chèques hidden in the blocked off fireplace in my room. Please bring those chèques. I can’t thank you and your wife enough for everything you have done for me.”
“Where are you now?”
“I’m in Brooklyn.”
“I’m going to get you a room. Hold one minute.”
The operator was asking for more coins, I plugged another 50 cents in in dimes.
“St. George Hotel, we stayed there years ago. Call me back in 20 minutes.”
I waited about 20 minutes and called Ralph back. I am running out of coins fast.
“I booked you a room at St. George Hotel. It is paid for. The name I booked it under is Jane Smith. You can get cleaned up and rested. We’ll meet you there.”
“Ralph. I cannot thank you enough for your generosity.”
I walked blocks until I found the hotel. It was a large building. The entrance was on the Main Street. I walked in an it was stunning inside.
I was worried that I would have trouble without IDs. Everything always seems to work in my favor. At the front desk, I simply say I have a room booked and paid for Jane Smith. She looks through her papers, “Ah yes, here it is and hands me the key.”
This hotel had an old feel but was really stunning. The entrance had the original wood finishings. There was an indoor pool and a tropical terrace bar and restaurant. I was impressed. I found my room, showered, and took a nap. Ralph said they would be here in a few days.
They arrived somewhere around noon. I was nervous being in New York City knowing Gorge had his goons out looking for me. I didn’t even venture out of the hotel.
I don’t even look like myself. My hair is thinning in the front because I keep ripping it out. I acquired that habit while in Gorge’s prison. I have no makeup with me. I cannot even stand to look at myself in the mirror. I just laid down to go to sleep until Ralph and Frankie get here.
I didn’t even order breakfast because I don’t want to put anything extra on their tab. They arrive late morning and had my belongings packed into a cheap suitcase. I was grateful.
“How long until you are ready?”
“Can you give me a half an hour?”, and they left to look around the hotel. I found suitable clothes and shoes. I was happy to have something to wear that was presentable. They brought me a couple of my wigs and a brush. I brushed them both out and wore the best looking one.
We are discussing my situation over dinner at local Brooklyn family restaurant. I was nervous about being seen but then I realized Gorge nor his friends would ever come to this place.
The food was a five star mediocre. I have learned to live with less and less quality. I have no designer clothing left. I buy cheap fashionable clothing that looks expensive and cut the tags out.
“We think you should consider returning to Europe.”
“I really don’t want to leave without my child.”
“We think it is best for you to work with your family on this matter. Since Gorge came to our doorstep to get you, we have not really wanted to be involved. Obviously we are involved.”
“My family has officially disowned me. Of course, no one would look for me back in Europe and perhaps I can get my birthright and get my daughter back”
“We really think it is the wise thing to do, for yourself and for us.”
“I am sorry I got you involved in this. I am forever grateful for both of you.”
And their lecture trails off into a babble of meaningless words while my mind drifts off. I love watching the countryside change from flat to mountainous. I imagine à tunnel going through the hard cold mountain. This tunnel is longer than the one I imagined a short while ago. We have many tunnels in Switzerland to get through the mountains. I yawn and my ears pop.
We stop to get something to eat. Frankie is singing with the music in the restaurant. The music fades into a hodgepodge of songs I do not know. It’s music roulette. There are anything from slow rock songs, country songs to One Hit Wonders looking for their stardom.
“Staring off into outer space?” Frankie says as she nudges me with her elbow.
“Oh yes sorry. I am just very tired with an over active brain.”
We all chuckle and I begin to calm down being with good people I trust.
Ralph has contacts. Here is an American passport with the name Julie Valentine and a photo of you we took at the house. He slides it across the restaurant table.
Looking at it, I could not even tell it was a fake passport. I didn’t feel right about using a fake name and passport that said I was an American, but I didn’t have a choice. I thought my bad English and accent were a dead giveaway. Using my real name would surely get me caught by Gorge again. I liked the name Julie Valentine. It was an American and a French name. It would be my name for a little while.
“I’m not sure where to go in Europe.”
“Go to the authorities. File the police reports you need about your child. Your child should also be a Swiss citizen.
“That is exactly what I will do. I didn’t get a chance to name my child. They told me that they call all still borns Jane with the last name Doe. I will file it under the name of the woman she is staying with. I know her name when I saw it on the bassinet in the hospital.”
“We are going to get you a round trip flight to Switzerland. Your return flight is June 22cd. You are welcome at our home anytime in case it doesn’t work out for you. We want you to be safe and feel you will be safer in your home country. The return flight is for you to hopefully get your child. Have a safe trip and call us to let us know if you are coming back on the return flight so that we can pick you up at the airport.”
“I will have to come back for my baby. I believe you are right. It is time for Gorge to lose track of me and then I can slip back later to look for my baby girl again. I will try to get an avocat to get my baby back. Hopefully, I can access my money back home.”
They walked me back to the hotel and told me they would book the flight for me.
It is March 15th, 1970 and I am finally on my way back to Europe. I arrive in the Canton de Vaud on March 16, 1970 after several flights and a train ride. I try to call my family and they will not take my calls.
I resign to getting a hotel in Lausanne and sleeping for the next 48 hours with the traveller’s chèques I had stashed at Ralphs. I am so exhausted from the trip.
I decide to go big and book a room at the Hotel Royal Savoy. I need some pampering. It has a pool and a spa along with lounges. I get my room and just fall down onto the bed.
I dreamt of faceless demons coming to take my soul. They had no arms or legs. They were sucking the energy and the life right out of my body.
I am awake but I cannot move. I see them. They are real and not a dream. The demons are in my chest sucking the life right out of my body and soul. I cannot even scream. I can only move my eyes. I finally break free and can move. They’re gone. What are they? What do they want
I don’t even try to contact my parents because I do not want them to know I am here. I have light colored wigs that disguise me very well.
I run into an old friend who recognizes me. Her name is Caroline. We were in school together.
“Il faut que tu trouves une place loin d’ici. Les investigateurs viennent ici presque chaque semaine. You are wanted for the bombing in Zurich last year.”
“Quoi? What do you mean? I was in the United States!”
I wanted to get away as far as possible and just go into hiding for a little while. I decided to go to Norway. No one goes to Norway. It is considered so far out of touch with most major cities, it seems like the perfect place to plant myself and hide out for a little while.
Ralph told me if I needed anything to let him know. I call Ralph.
“I’m in trouble here. I am being investigated for a bombing in Zurich last year. I need to go into hiding for a minute just to regroup.”
“Frank has a friend there in Zurich. Can you get to Zurich?” Ralph gives me Frank’s number and it was arranged to meet his friend in Zurich. I arrive in Zurich.
Maximilian Schell is an extremely handsome man. I feel myself blushing when I see him holding a sign at the train station that said, ‘Julie Valentine.”
Maximilian Schell was in Zurich to visit. He was raised in Zurich but spent most of his time in Hollywood. He loved to come home to write and be out of the lime light. He made his mark in Hollywood with World War 2 movies.
“Frank has told me so much about you. It is good to see you in Switzerland and not Hollywood. Frank asked if I could get some more identification for you. I don’t see an issue. I rang up a friend here in Zurich.”
I am always nervous about getting into a stranger’s car. He drove a brand new BMW.
He was a gentleman and only doing his friend Frank Carr a favor. We stopped at another house. I waited in the car.
“Frank asked me to get you more passports. I got 7 of them for you. Use one for a while and switch to another. Tell everyone you are from Belgium, not Switzerland. Go into hiding for a while until you can figure out how to hire a lawyer and plead your case before you are arrested for something you had nothing to do with. Do you still have your hotel room in Lausanne? You can stay here for a while if you like.”
“Thank you for your generosity. I am just going to take a train back to Lausanne.”
“I’ll drive you back. I insist.”
We’re on the road from Zurich back to Lausanne. The convertible is up because it is chilly outside. He talks about the movies he has been involved in and how much he loves Hollywood. Frank is a very good friend of his. I listen to him while thinking that I have only met Frank for a short time, but his reputation precedes him. We are at the hotel before I know it and I thank him for bringing me back.
“It was nice meeting you Julie and I hope everything works out for you.”
He was gone just as fast as he came into my life. I can’t stop thinking about him, his life, and his looks. I know he has no interest in me and I am alright with that. With the possible spy and terrorist charges against me, I don’t see any man taking an interest in me.
I have only had one real man in my life and that is Gorge. Why couldn’t Gorge love me the way I deserved to be loved. Why couldn’t he be a better man to me. I still love Gorge. That is the sad part. I know he had something to with the kidnapping of my only child. She is his child too. Why would he do this to me? To us? To our child? Why?
Sitting alone in my room and looking out the window, my thoughts don’t stop. I’m the most heartbroken woman that exists in the world. My world is shattered. My dreams crushed. Tears just stream and I don’t stop them at this point. Everything that I believed good in the world looks evil. Bright skies have turned to foreboding dark clouds. Innocence is tarnished. I am jaded. I just need to get away for a while.
Norway seems far away and cold like my life, like my broken heart. I’m leaving tomorrow just to clear my thoughts and get a plan of action. I can regroup and stop thinking about my little girl on the other side of the world and if she is being treated well. I can clear my mind and get an avocat to clear my name and get my stolen baby back.
I’m on the train exiting from my Swiss life. It seems I have nothing left there. All I can do is cry. Everyone on the train is looking at me. I don’t care. No one knows my pain. No one understands my heart break. No one cares.
I arrive in Oslo. Oslo is a charming city. The colorful houses side by side line the waterways. I can imagine the old fishermen who once lived there. Boats docked litter the waterways. I’m checking into the Hotell Bristol.
I love thé statue fountain with the baby grand piano. I pluck around on the piano. The wall decor reminds me a time long gone. It is decorative and charming.
I checked in with one of my fake passport IDs. Claudia Tielt, I kind of like the name but feel closer to Julie Valentine.
I had a falling out with the woman working at the desk. I paid for my room in cash on arrival but she was insisting that I owed money. I had planned on staying a couple of days here but it is impossible with this horrible woman working here. I found the Hotell Viking. It looked like just a big block building on the outside but inside it was amazing. I booked by room and prepared to move my belongings to the Viking.
I checked in with a different passport. I had such an argument with that woman that I didn’t want my other name reported to the police. She accused me of being an art thief. Geneviève Lancier Geneviève Lancier Je m’appelle Geneviève Lancier. Ich heiße Geneviève. I haven’t learned any real Norwegian yet except jeg snakker ikke norsk.
The accusation of being an art thief made me decide to go to view a famous artist named Edvard Munch. I’m on the metro to visit the Munch Muesem which is fairly close to the hotel. I long to have a companion to share my thoughts and my experiences with. Looking out the window as the metro grazes over the overpass, I drift in thought back to Bern and those magical moments with Gorge. What happened to my dreams with him? I feel so alone everywhere I go.
The muesem is plastered with big letters on the outside of the building to let me know I have made it to the right place. Inside, it has a combination of new and old smells all wound up into one. I scrutinize each piece in detail as if in an assembly line. I love Edvard Munch. I’m completely fascinated with ‘Ashes’.
The woman looks exactly how I feel, pulling my hair out by the roots because I cannot handle this life anymore while the man I love is so dark and foreboding that I am sure I will end up in ashes.
I take a taxi to get something to eat and continue my Munch tour. I’m at a the Grand Café about 10 minutes from the museum. Edvard Munch once offered to swap the painting ‘Sick Girl’ in return for 100 steak dinners at this café.
It is a quaint local restaurant where there aren’t many tourists. Sursild is the special. I never liked pickled fish so I decide on something a bit more terrain. I order a rare steak et frites like back home. The cuisine is exquisite and delectable. I will definitely revisit the Grand Café.
What a wonderful day with Edvard Munch. I love art mostly in the surreal category. Salvadore Dali is one of my favorite artists. Getting more familiar with Edvard Munch’s Expressionism made me feel instantly closer to Norwegian culture.
The same men who were in the lobby at Hotell Bristol have been in the lobby of Hotell Viking almost since my arrival. I find myself hiding in my room when I’m not out. I put a chair outside my room when I leave just to signal these stalkers that I am not in my room. I even switched the numbers to throw them off my trail.
It is March 22, 1970. The men following me are not in the lobby. I check out with my luggage and make a break for it. I take a train to Bergen and I find my way to Hotell Skandia.
My room has a nice view of the boats docked on the beautiful water. I’m not feeling very relaxed in Bergen. Realizing that I have been followed in Oslo completed the shattering of my world.
I spend my days in my room except to go out to eat. I don’t have much money left. It is getting close to making a decision about my return flight to the United States.
I have a meeting with an avocat then I’m leaving to go back to Switzerland.
I decided to leave Norway and go back home to Switzerland to Lausanne in the Canton de Vaud. I decided if I am being followed in Norway, what is the difference between here and home. I can be lost just the same in any place.
Targeted and experimented on since birth 
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